01/07/2006
I want to start this entry off with an apology to all of my readers whom have noticed that I have not only not added
an entry in quite some time but also I have changed nothing to the structure of this site. I would say I am really really
really really really sorry...but I'm not. Like I do have a good excuse. I will even list them to you all so that you
will forgive me and let me back into your bed or something related to sleeping with you or your sister or dog that sexy
sexy dog.
1. My computer blew up about a week or so ago. She was a good girl until she tried to kill me. I will explain this one
in greater detail in a bit.
2. Started Playing alot and I mean alot of new games. World of Warcraft, Eve Online, Fear, Doom3, and Quake4 says
"target geek loses life".
3. For those of you wondering how I managed to play all of these games without a pc I will fill you in on a little
secret. I got a newer, better, sexier computer that makes the old one look like poo.
Now I am forced to explain why my old cunt of a computer tried to kill me. A long time ago in a tech shop far far away
I made a promise to this pc that I would never leave her for any living thing ever. And well then I met this girl who
is now my girlfriend (I'll explain!!! don't hurt me!!) and well to cut it short my theory is that my old pc heard that
I got a girlfriend and tried to murder me and commit suicide at the same time. I ended up losing all the hair on my
right hand and as of two nights ago I brought the cunt back to life. So now that you understand why the computer tried
to kill me I will explain that I do have a girlfriend and she did not break up with me after hearing that I started
playing World of Warcraft and for that she fucking rules. I am around a Leve3 Geek so that would make me a top tier
and I guess by some stroke of luck I got a smart, funny, and attractive girl who finds my geekishness to be hot.
I haven't made a promise to my new computer to not leave her for anyone because I don't want to get attacked again as
well as know that I would be lying.
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It's late and I am really tired. I have a topic that I will write and post later today. It has to do with gamers who
suck so bad that I let them kill me to keep it close. Like it's sad, really sad, so sad that you would make it into
a chick flick if you could. How hard is it to get better at a game that you play 24-fucking-7 I mean is it remotely
possible that you might be able to show a skill increase at even a nano level? Nope not these guys they lack the fucking
ability to aim a crosshair so I will guess that they have an insanely hard time whipping thier own ass. I'll bet any one
of these "jerks off to aeon flux douchebags" that if I took out track ball mouse and just used the rollers with my
fingers I would have a 20/1 frag rate. To you guys I will make a plead to get the fuck off my bandwidth and find
something that you can do right. I would say jerk off but I feel that you would shoot yourself in the eye or something
close to it and end up making my life harder with spam about how fucking dumb you are and how hot you think gaming girls
are. Trust me I've looked most girls who play games would make even the horniest geek think about turning to fudge
packing. I don't have anything against gay guys, I have alot of gay friends. Just I would prefer to keep a guys mic
out of my subwoofer.
12/17/2005
"Do geeks get laid"? This has to be one of the most commonly asked questions by non-geeks
and I will answer it today. There are certain levels in the geek realm that determines if
the geek will or not. I have created this list as well as I could with the least of effort.
|\|00|3z- Identification: Commonly found living in their parents house upstairs.
Watches basic cable in hopes of finding some form of nudity. They are too afraid to look for real porn anywere else so they just whack off to Dora the Explorer. They looklike a spitting image of what would happen if Dexter and Dee Dee were to fornicate. Sporting a button down shirt with pocket protector, tight pants, their hair slicked to the side,glasses that are too big, and of course with their socks either coming out over their pants or sometimes they like to wear pants that are too short so that their socks are clearly visable.
Chances of getting a date: 6%-These guys are terrified to talk to a girl in the rare
occasion that they talk to one it is usually them looking at the floor and stuttering.
Chances of getting laid: 2%- Just by seeing a hot girl these guys would cum in their pants
so don't expect them getting laid until they are about 40 years old or never.
1053R- Identification: Upgrading their living arrangements to being their
parent's basement and considering it be a completely seperate area they tend
to use the line "hey baby wanna go over to my place? I live in the basement
of my parent's house and I have my own door so they wont be able to bother us".
These guys have the balls to go rent and or buy pornos and then they round up
a group of other horny 1053rs and watch it toghether. They tend to be seen
wearing t-shirts that have cheesey sayings on it such as "I read your email,"
"31337 h4x0r," and "Wanna Fork?" When they do see a girl they have the worst of
pickup lines that usually lead to them getting their ass kicked by the girl
they had been hitting on and getting laughed at by their friends. In retaliation they would say to their friends "at least i got to talk to a girl and she touched me! you guys just stood there!" and the rest look in shame. In the unlikely event that a girl is impressed by this creep's antics and agrees to go on a date, he will brag about it to his
friends for days on end. In the event of an emergency that would be called
"getting laid" this geek would most likely leave his friends because "virgins
are lame". Sometimes he sticks around because he becomes the center of the
group and is seen as the all knowing "pussy man".
Chances of getting a date: 35%- These guys are pretty persistent which sometimes
pays off, but usually the majority of the time gets slapped by the girl
chances of getting laid:- 15%- They will hump anything, to them pussy is pussy.
31337- Identification: These geeks are the best of both worlds. Many live alone, but some live with other 31337 geeks. They tend to study many sexual techniques, watch porn for fun including bizzare porn. they are the hardest to detect by appearance, people would only know they are a geek if they were to hang out with them long enough. Some may work in the geek squad and have the beetle car that they would use to pick up chicks in. chances of getting a date: 80%- They make and use computer jokes as pickup lines that are creative and funny (I have a large flash drive. Can I plug it into your usb port?). They don't scare girls away, and get along with most people. Interesting fact is that their girls
tend to be very attractive.
Chances of getting laid: 73%- They know what they are doing, if not they ask other 31337 geeks for advice.
12/14/2005
So the first thing that has been bothering me is that not all gamers are the same.
To some of you we may seem the same and to you people I will be glad to say.....
FUCK YOU!!!! Saying all gamers are the same is like saying all asians look the same
and you can't say all asians look the same because that would make you a racist and
being a racist is wrong. So now we will look into the nomenclature of the gaming race.
Gamer would be the genus of the race since it is the base of all the others. Here are
my list of type of gamers with their apporopriate names.
Gamer-Noob
This gamer is at the bottom of the food chain. They take the form of any person who
claims to play not only an impressive list of games but to have done impossiple things
in these games (using Cloud to kill Sin would be a likely claim of the Gamer-Noob). In
addition to their claims they have no knowledge of anything game related and always seem
to "forget" details about games that they claim to have beaten yet can't seem to remember.
Gamer-Leech
These little bastards are like the leech of the gaming ladder. They do play games but they
have a few things that just kill thier ability to be remotely normal. Not that normality is
a common resource to gamers, but if a gamer thinks you are a wierd ass then it's bad. So these
dingle berries only play thier friends games, they don't own a single system, and will only
recall other gamers accomplishments in a vain attempt to be accepted. They are never seen in
groups with other Gamer-Leeches since they frequently call each other "un1337 n00bz0rz" which
is a bit redundant.
Gamer-Jockstrap
Just as the name states these meatballs only play sports games and say that all other games suck
ass. Every year they go out to buy the newest of all the sports games not knowing that all they
are buying is last years game but with a few lineup changes and adding one more year to the title.
They are fairly harmless since they have the spirit of a jock, but since they only play the video
games it is fairly obvious that they much lack the physical prowess to play the real thing. Think
of them as that little dog that is just loud but wont move from its windowsill.
Gamer-Speedracer
These sad sad little people only play games that involve some form of racing. The same assholes
that you see buying actual race car seats and build their little stations to simulate being
in a real car, jet, or boat. Too bad they will never be able to simulate what being in sexual
intercourse is like.
Gamer-Of Fist and Crotch
I cringe anytime I see these "I only play fighting games because there is nothing like the rush
of doing a 26 hit combo on a girl with really big boobies". These guys are too easy so let us just
leave it that they will will never get laid.
Gamer-FPSer
My favorite gamer to bash until they look like the pile of mindless shit that they are. We all know
at least one of these motha fuckas that will only play a game where you have a gun and the point of
the game is to take said gun and shoot something. Wow talk about deep....I mean there is nothing wrong
with really liking a specific genre, but when I see a guy wearing full combat fatigues and a shirt that
says "Fragin n00bs since 1997" I want to strangle them with a wireless controller.
Gamer-RPG (Role Playing Geek)
These are the posterboy of all gamers. When you hear gamer you think of these guys. These are the kind
of guys that you have the depleted personality you wouldn't even wish on your worst enemy. From the
8-bit world to next gen systems they are the biggest social let down in the history of mankind..well
next to the French. There are too many insults that I can throw at these 20 sided fucktards. So fuck
them for giving us an image so bad we make the nazis look like N'sync.
Now all of the above mentioned dipshits are what I like to call the subrace of what a true gamer is.
A true gamer loves all games, maybe not equally but loves them still. I hate alot of gaming genres,
but I will still play those games even if it is just to gain more ammo to use on them later. I believe
that you have to be open to all games or you will become some kind of genrecentric asshole.
12/13/2005
Okay so this is the very first posting I have made and thus I guess that
means I have to explain what I am doing and why I am doing it. I have been
an avid gamer for a pretty long time like more than three quarters of my
life have been almost completely dedicated to everything that is entertaining,
perverse, electronic, or in a better sense not productive in any realistic manner.
So I have been browsing the many gaming fansites and there are many that I adore, the
one ruling one would have to be CTRL+ALT+DELETE. So after countless hours of wondering
if it is worth it to create a place for me to share my thoughts with the rest of the
gaming community I decided that it was my fate to take all of my favorite gaming
moments and share them with all of you. No need to thank me now just send me your
social security number and your mother's maiden name and we will call it even.
Now on with the show!
